There is one recovery habit we have that holds us back from living the life of recovery we want - and it's something that we all have in one form or another.
What is this recovery blocking bad habit?
It's the need to be right. Imagine how free our life would be if we didn't need to be right.
What if we didn't need to be right in disagreements? What if we didn't need the last word? What if we didn't need to get other people on board with how we think things should be? What if we could give up the need to be right?
So much time and precious energy is wasted on the need to be right in addiction recovery.
We have developed a need addiction to being right.
The question is, why?
The survival programming in us believes that if we admit we are wrong, then we will die.
It sounds insane when it's put that way, but it's true.
Think about the last disagreement or argument we had... and be honest, did we need to be right?
Did we need to have the last word? Did we really listen, or did we wait for our turn to speak and interject our opinion and manipulate the facts so that we were "right."
Being right - when that need is there... and we are triggered... is never operating from a place of true power.
The need to be right is the need of the limbic survival system.
What if we didn't need to be "right" in the eyes of others?
What if we could win an argument by allowing the other person to be "right"?
What if we could simply listen to what others have to say and attempt to step into their experience and understand it, even if we don't agree with it?
We can understand how and why someone feels the way they do without agreeing with them.
And, a funny thing happens when we simply listen to someone and empathise with their experience (which is not the same thing as agreeing)...
The fight tends to end.
The disagreement tends to die down. The tension goes away.
How can we do this?
First, calm ourself down.
Go for a walk.
Meditate.
Take a yoga class.
Calm down our nervous system.
Then, set our intention to simply listen to whomever we are in a disagreement with.
Get curious about their experience without agreeing or trying to fix anything.
Ask questions about why they feel this way and try to get to the underlying emotion.
Then, repeat back what we heard them say... using their words and ask if we missed anything.
They may clarify and share more... then reflect that back.
This simple listening exercise... and surrendering the need to be right will create positive change in all our relationships.
We don't need to fix or rescue them. We don't need to fix the problem. We don't need to be right.
Just listen.
Set our intention to understand. Get curious. Ask questions. Dive deeper. Reflect back what we heard.
And - We can understand how someone is feeling.... without agreeing with them.
And, We can agree they feel and believe what they do, without agreeing with the conclusions they've come to about why they feel that way.
They are their own person.
And so are we.
Needing to be right is a strategy that will leave us isolated and alone... and without any meaningful relationships.
Cultivating an ability to listen and empathise is a master skill when it comes to be successful in recovery and in life.
Are we ready to give up the need to be right?
What positive changes could happen if we did?
Reply back and let us know.
The Ten Stages is a studied recovery course. It is a source of reconnection a method of unlearning and a reintroduction to our child within which leads us back to our one true intuitive voice.We start to learn and come out of our protective dysfunctional shell and reclaim our lives. www.thetenstages.com
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