Loving-Kindfulness starts with you learning healthy self protection. Child Within Chill - A ten stage method used to disengage oneself from another person's drama when direct contact is unavoidable.
Child Within Chill is disengaging emotionally and giving neutral responses to what someone does or says. The focus is on you, your feelings and needs, not the other person or their feelings and needs.
Someone using Child Within Chill is assertive without being confrontational. They will give no appearance of withdrawal, and they will maintain a pleasant and calm tone of voice and demeanour.Child Within Chill can be extremely liberating. You are in control of you, you are directing your life, you are in charge of you, you steer the conversation and you are protected. You are free to exercise your boundaries and communicate them effectively.
There are two key components to Child Within Chill:
1. Don't share any personal information.
Don't volunteer details about your life or your feelings. Everything in your world is perfectly OK, normal and uneventful. Tell them nothing, ask them nothing. Conversation is nothing more than pleasantries about weather, traffic, news etc. Engage in the type of conversation you might have with a total stranger while waiting for the bus.
When communicating a decision you have made (should you deem it necessary to share in the first place) do not share your thought process on how you arrived at your decision. It is none of anyone's concern.
2. Don't get involved in another person's chaos or drama.
When asked to help or get involved, be unavailable without offering the reason why you are unavailable. Sharing the details only motivates others to help you clear your obstacle to being there to help them. You are simply busy, you know, same old stuff.
When others try to draw you into their drama and chaos you are a bored and dull listener. You are there, just not present or terribly involved. Never show anger or compassionate involvement; paying attention but not too much attention. Don't offer any advice or opinions of your own. Don't try to solve their problems. You are simply not involved.
If someone is angry and manages to get you angry they have successfully projected and transferred their anger to you. Take your leave as soon as possible in cases of anger or rage. Simply and calmly leave or end the phone call.
When others lash out, show no anger. When others are nice, don't reciprocate. Be distant and flat in both cases. When others can't easily manipulate a reaction, they tend to leave you alone.
Child Within Chill keeps things light, fluffy, airy and breezy. There's no real substance to the conversation. You wind up doing a lot of listening and giving very uninteresting and inconsequential answers. You don't feed the supply, so you'll find conversations are shorter and not as frequent - because you're not giving the other person anything they can use. You are of no use to them and also quite boring and uninteresting.
The Ten Stages is a studied recovery course. It is a source of reconnection a method of unlearning and a reintroduction to our child within which leads us back to our one true intuitive voice.We start to learn and come out of our protective dysfunctional shell and reclaim our lives. #childwithin#10stages
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