We COULD NOT stop dissociating when we wanted to.

We are addicts. We are addicted to dissociation.

Several months ago we started wondering if the defenses we commonly use could possibly be termed addiction. We all knew they were habitual. We knew they happened
spontaneously, like a reflex, without time for us to stop and reflect whether or not this was the response we wanted to use; We knew that when we tried to use
other responses it was exceedingly difficult and required much continual mindfulness on our part.
We looked up addiction in online dictionaries: “The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something.” Hmmmmmmm.
That sounds accurate.”The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice.” Well, that certainly fits! “And the last one: “Habitual psychological and physiological dependence on a practice beyond one’s voluntary control.” That definition fit completely. 

We COULD NOT stop dissociating when we wanted to.

We do not attach a moral judgment to the word “Addiction”. It is a simple statement of fact. We did not make the choice to voluntarily start using dissociation to get through life. We did not make the choice to continue to use it. We would not be alive today if we had not learned and used the skill of dissociation. But it is now beyond our control and is now unnecessary in our life. Naming this addiction gives us tools to use so we can let go of it. We become
more able to be more patient with ourself and more effective in overcoming it.
OK. So We knew we were addicted. But exactly what were we addicted TO?
Researching the term “dissociation” We found this definition by Dr. Bennett Braun: “the separation of an idea or thought process from the main stream of consciousness” (Braun, 1988). Everybody uses dissociation. People use it to screen out unnecessary stimuli. With untraumatised people, this is a choice and not problematical. Any time a person is focused in on something to the exclusion of one or more aspects of present day reality, they are using dissociation. 

Everyone here has used this – perhaps when reading a book, or practicing a musical instrument, or figuring out income tax. That kind of dissociation is helpful.
Another way to think of dissociation is as a method of dealing with trauma by not knowing about it. The memory of events may be split into separate components. Dr. Bennett Braun developed the BASK model; an easy way to understand this. BASK stands for Behaviour, Affect, Sensation and Knowledge.
If any one of these is missing in your memory of an event, then you are dissociating. “Behaviour” is the action associated with an event. For ourselves,in times of stress, We find ourselves putting our hand on the back of our neck. We would do this unknowingly, with no conscious memories or reasons. This is a behaviour that originally we found meaningless. We became aware that when we did this or a similar action, self harming in nature, our mind would go blank and we would lose all our thought processes becoming frozen in time and space.
Affecting is the emotions we had in response to an event or a trigger..

The Ten Stages is a studied recovery course. It is a source of reconnection a method of unlearning and a reintroduction to our child within which leads us back to our one true intuitive voice.We start to learn and come out of our protective dysfunctional shell and reclaim our lives. #childwithin#10stages