At the Ten Stages instead of trying to change someone to be the way you want him or her to be.

At the Ten Stages instead of trying to change someone to be the way you want him or her to be.

Here's a new idea: send them loving-kindness.

Love them, just as they are with no changes and just send them loving-kindness; see them happy, healthy and living a vibrant life.

We step out of love and into fear when we try to make people conform to our ideal of what we think they should be.

This is out of alignment for two reasons:

1. We are not unconditionally respecting someone when we expect him or her to be any other way than they are.

2. We are not unconditionally valueing ourselves if we are consciously choosing to be in a relationship with someone who isn't meeting our needs.

It is easier to choose someone who you are compatible with from the beginning than to choose to be in relationship with someone who's potential you see, but who you want to change.

When we choose to only love someone when they meet our expectations, we are letting our ego run the show. We have no idea what Their child within is calling this person to do or become.


If we simply put them in the box of our expectations, we are limiting their growth and closing down intimacy in our relationship with this person. A person doesn't feel respected if they are constantly being judged and weighed and measured.

We are not here to judge and value others in our lives, Stagers are here to be a mirror, to show up and to support them in their growth and journey. A person feels respected and nourished when they are seen and understood for who they are RIGHT NOW.


The point is, when we talk about creating rich, fulfilling recovery, when expectations and judgments creep in, we have gone down the path of the parent voice.

Let us release our expectations of others and let us release the expectations on ourselves. Let us love our child within and the people in our lives right where we are.

We are growing daily; let us respect the process of our recovery instead of trying to only value a specific outcome that may not be in for our greatest good.

And, let us choose to be in relationships with fellow children we are compatible with from the beginning, instead of trying to change people to be compatible with us.
The Ten Stages is a studied recovery course. It is a source of reconnection a method of unlearning and a reintroduction to our child within which leads us back to our one true intuitive voice.We start to learn and come out of our protective dysfunctional shell and reclaim our lives.